Choosing My Hard: Building Strength Through Resistance
Pushing Against Resistance
Today, everything feels a little like lifting weights—pushing against resistance. I’m beginning to accept that this is life, and that this is how I expand my capacity.
For so long, I watched people do things that seemed impossible for me—tasks that looked tedious or unenjoyable. I used to wonder, How do they do that? What drives them? I thought they must have a natural motivation or discipline that I simply didn’t possess. But now, I wonder if they, too, felt the same internal resistance I feel whenever I try to step outside my comfort zone.
Becoming the Author of My Life
I’ve taken on a new belief: I am responsible for building and molding myself. I am, in many ways, the author of my fate—within the boundaries of what I can control.
That thought excites me. It makes me feel the power and presence of something alive within me. I want to take full responsibility for my life, and I’ve begun that journey intentionally.
Reclaiming My Power from Fear
During my mental health crisis, I was terrified to take responsibility for my life. I believed that trying to control my destiny meant defying God, and that I would somehow be punished for it. That fear led me to accept mediocrity as my portion.
But I’ve since realized how untrue that was. Why would God want me to give up? Why would a higher power want me to stop growing, learning, and becoming more of who I’m meant to be?
Eventually, I rejected that belief. I decided I would rather die trying to make something of myself than sit in passivity—just tending to the house, the kids, and survival. I want more out of life.
And here’s what I’ve discovered: whenever I push myself, I feel better. I feel expansive. New possibilities open in my mind, and I start to believe that becoming more is actually possible for me.
Living as a Small Fish in a Big Pond
Right now, I feel like a small fish in a big pond. But instead of drowning, I’m learning to swim.
Building discipline means moving in ways opposite to how I used to move. It’s not always fun. Some mornings, it still feels like I’m pushing against a wall. But I’ve learned to gamify the process—to treat growth as play.
I’m no longer trying to meet anyone else’s expectations or prove anything to anyone but myself. That, to me, is freedom. The challenges that once scared me now feel like opportunities to expand my capacity, and that brings a joy that can’t be stolen.
Shifting My Energy and Priorities
I’ve learned that every effort—big or small—fuels growth. Some changes are visible right away; others take time to surface. Either way, I trust that something is happening beneath the surface.
I’ve embraced imperfection and made consistency my friend. I rest when I need to, but I no longer give in to mediocrity.
In the past, I tried to be excellent in everything. I needed the perfect home, even with three boys running around. But all that energy went into appearances while my personal growth withered.
Now, I keep my space “clean enough” to function, but I focus most of my energy on building a life with purpose—for myself and for my family. It’s simple, really. I’ve shifted my priorities, and it feels right.
Choosing My Hard
Nothing feels easy right now, but they say you have to choose your hard. That’s exactly what I’m doing.
My self-belief is shifting. Things that once felt impossible now feel within reach because I’m putting in the effort. Yesterday, I felt motivated; today, I don’t. But I’m still proving to life that I’ll keep moving forward.
An Encouragement for You
To anyone reading this: keep taking those steps toward your goals. Don’t give up on dreams that feel far away. And most importantly, never give up on yourself.
You may be surprised by what you’re capable of once you start pushing against your own resistance.
Thanks for reading—and until next time, take care. 🌿